"It's Both"

“It’s Both”

Last Monday I attended the memorial of my beloved friend, and friend to many, Gavin Creel. 

Gavin was a human like no other. A bright light, a joy and a relentless inspiration to myself and many others. 

One of the things I appreciated during the memorial was that in addition to focussing on his successes and joys and what will ultimately be his legacy as a Broadway superstar talent, they also focussed on his occasional struggles in life. Mentioning his challenges at the memorial, was an effective way to humanize a Broadway icon and allowed us all to remember the real him and not just the idea of him.

Gavin often navigated periods of deep pain and struggle and one of his mottos was the word ‘BOTH’. That in the search for an answer, remembering that two (or both) things can be true. A simple reminder that you can experience happiness and grief in the same moment. Gratitude and disappointment. Pride and jealousy. 

It’s ambivelence. Meaning that multiple things can be felt at the same time. My therapist often reminds me of this. As an actor, a husband, a parent, a business owner, a teacher, an employer, an employee etc etc there are multiple experiences and feelings present at all times even though it would be easier sometimes to exclusively live in one state of emotional being.

Often times we strive to get clarity on our feelings in order to make things easier to process. “I am sad”. Labeling it perhaps makes you feel like you can manage it. 

But - as I offered to some of the students in a class last week - once you label yourself in that way, it prevents you from leaving space for other feelings to be true at the same time. 

Instead of declaring “I AM sad” why not say “I FEEL sad”. You then won’t be defined by your sadness and can feel other things alongside it. 

This is important in your work as an actor too. You should never decide that a character is feeling something ahead of time. If you just mean what you say when delivering the text, it can be said any way and still be effective. Much like you, your character can feel excitement and rage at the same time. The more we practice in life to not let our feelings define us, the more we’ll stay open to the possibility that a scene or song can BE anything or can FEEL any way as long as we’re being truthful and present in the moment. 

Most of the students in the aforementioned class were explaining that they “are exhausted". Understandably so. New York City is a tough place at times and there’s a lot to feel overwhelmed by in life, in the city, in politics and in the entertainment industry right now. I recommended that they consider saying “I’m feeling exhaustion” as opposed to “I AM exhausted” so that it’s easier for that exhaustion to pass them by as quickly as it came. They immediately felt lighter and if you try it, I hope you will too. YOU are bigger than any one FEELING.

Take care of yourselves this holiday season. 

And as always, keep up the great work! 

Mark