Living in the Middle: The Gift of Ambivalence

I’ve been thinking a lot lately (again) about ambivalence, that uncomfortable, messy, beautiful space where two or more opposing truths can exist at the same time. In class, I’ve spoken about how frustrating it can feel to live there. We often crave clarity, certainty, and direction. But as actors and more so as human beings, so much of our growth happens right in the middle of that tension. There’s so much to learn from it if we don’t ignore or push it away. 

Ambivalence is the place where love meets fear, where confidence meets doubt, where joy and grief can sit side by side. It’s the moment before a decision, the breath before the line, the silence between the beats. It’s the “in-between” that our minds often try to escape. But in acting, and in life, that space is gold.

As artists, we are asked to hold contradictions with honesty. To love a character and still see their flaws. To want something deeply and fear what it might cost. That’s the work. And yet, outside the studio, we often resist that same complexity in ourselves. We want to be certain we’re on the right path, making the right choices, becoming the person we’re supposed to be. But life rarely gives us that kind of neatness.

When we can accept ambivalence rather than fight it, something softens. The resistance eases. Suddenly, we can breathe again. I’ve felt this multiple times myself when my therapist has reminded me how I like to organise my feelings instead of experiencing them in raw form even if they contradict each other.  Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up. It means recognizing that two things can be true at once. You can feel unsure and still move forward. You can love your work and still question your direction. You can be proud of your progress and still long for more.

This is the paradox that defines artistry. Living in the middle keeps us awake to the truth of what it means to be human. It’s where empathy grows, where creativity deepens, and where we learn to trust that not knowing is not a weakness, but a form of openness.

So when the uncertainty feels heavy, when the contradictions make you question your footing, remember this: the middle is not a mistake. It’s the space where life is actually happening.

Let yourself live there. Accept it, breathe through it, and use it. Because in that delicate balance between what is and what might be, you’ll find your clearest, most truthful self.

Keep up the great work!

Mark :)