Opening Up To The “How?”

How often have you found yourself saying, “I can’t do that”? Maybe it’s when faced with a daunting task, an unfamiliar challenge, or a dream that feels out of reach. Those three little words—“I can’t do that”—can act like a wall, stopping us in our tracks before we even begin. But what if you switched perspective?

Instead of saying, “I can’t do that,” try asking, “How do I do that?”

This simple shift in language transforms a roadblock into an open door. It moves you from a place of limitation to one of possibility, curiosity, and action.

Collaboration is Key

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned and that I regularly remind you all of is that we’re not meant to figure everything out on our own. Asking “How do I do that?” opens the door to collaboration. It’s an invitation to seek advice, share ideas, and work together to solve problems.

There’s so much strength in leaning on others, whether it’s a teacher/coach, a peer, or a friend. When you bring others into the process, you not only gain new perspectives but also discover that challenges feel a little less overwhelming.

Remember: “Collaboration is key.” It’s a reminder that finding solutions together often leads to better outcomes than going it alone.

The Science of a Growth Mindset

Psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset shows that people who believe they can improve through effort and learning are more likely to succeed than those with a fixed mindset. “I can’t” reinforces a fixed mindset, while “How do I?” embodies a growth mindset. It acknowledges that you may not have the skills or knowledge yet, but you’re willing to figure it out—with a little help from others when needed.

How to Shift Your Mindset

Here’s what I recommend to integrate this shift into your daily life:

  1. Catch Yourself: The next time you think or say, “I can’t,” pause. Recognize that this is a moment of self-doubt, not an absolute truth.

  2. Reframe the Statement: Ask yourself, “How can I learn this?” or “What steps can I take to make this happen?”

  3. Collaborate: Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Collaboration often uncovers solutions you might not have considered on your own.

  4. Break It Down: Big challenges often feel overwhelming. Break them into smaller, actionable steps. Each small win builds momentum.

  5. Celebrate Progress: Every step forward, no matter how small, is proof that you’re capable of growth.

Real-Life Transformations

Think of anyone who’s mastered a skill or achieved a dream—they didn’t do it alone. They asked questions, sought guidance, and embraced collaboration along the way. Whether it’s learning a new language, pursuing a creative passion, or tackling a career shift, the journey begins with curiosity, courage, and community.

Final Thoughts

Shifting from “I can’t” to “How do I?” won’t solve every challenge overnight, but it will open doors you didn’t realize were there. And when you approach these challenges with the mindset that “collaboration is key,” you’ll find that the journey feels less lonely and the results are far more rewarding.

So, the next time self-doubt creeps in, try it. Replace “I can’t” with “How do I?” and reach out to those around you. Together, there’s no limit to what you can achieve.

Keep up the great work! 

Mark 

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